Curate’s Egg

14 Apr 2020

During the Easter Weekend I realised why I started writing these of an evening. I was beginning to wonder but it sure beats watching the news doesn't it?

Thanks for all of the positive feedback, it encourages me to Carry On Regardless. If it is not your cup of tea I suggest you have same and worry, there is plenty to worry about. For everyone else on with the nonsense…

Hope you had as decent a weekend as you could. ACE (see previous blog) had an ace one didn't they? Nothing stands between the Brits and their choccy. It's this sort of belligerent indulgence in the face of adversity that will see us through eventually. Good job really, Winston Churchill is not available.

You will recall that in the last edition I asked you to fill in the gaps in a sentence and send me a postcard with the answers.

Disappointed is not the word. Not because I didn't get any, in fact I got plenty. It’s just that I did not realise that evidently the only people that follow me are the potty mouthed. I think this means my dreams of doing this sort of thing for a quality newspaper are over.

The correct answers were 'cash' and 'help'. Only one person got them right. He is already the subject of a growing hate campaign and this is not going to improve matters.

However, I don't think the whole thing was a complete waste of time as at least the postman was _______ himself when he delivered them. That got us talking, as is more common now of course, and after all of these years I have just found out he is called Pat.

He normally has a black and white cat with him but it was self-isolating after hearing about that tiger in Bronx Zoo. Apparently, Mrs Goggins is doing a roaring trade in essential supplies of alcohol out of the back door drive-thru of the Post Office and for those without a car, Pat is dropping the crates off in his van after finishing his rounds. Nice to see the community coming together.

In a similar spirit I see churches were doing online Easter services to make sure the congregation didn’t miss out. Surely an unwritten episode of Father Ted? Ted would see it as a way of replacing the money which had been resting in his account but was now exhausted, by making a charge.

Dougal would be in charge of IT, what could go wrong there?

A virtual Mrs Doyle would go round to people's houses to insist they had a cup of tea.

A real Jack would go round to people's houses to insist they paid.

A lost gem.

C19 Song Of The Day

This one is from Gary Cunningham of Latitude Surveys, ‘Don't Stand So Close To Me' by Police. Very appropriate in terms of both name and artist, but I guess if it had been written today it would go on to say... 'or anyone else for that matter unless they are a member of your immediate household'. Not so catchy though.

C19 Support Shorts

1) Efforts are being made to increase the amount of CBILS loans being offered by banks after latest figures showed only 5,000 out of 300,000 applications had been accepted

2) The Pensions Regulator offered advice regarding auto enrolment and pension contributions during this difficult period, basically carry on as normal but detailed guidance HERE:-

A reminder about the new club with no name, at least it has another new member The Church. Of all denominations that is, they are all equal in my eyes, and I have managed to unify them like no-one else for centuries. 

Kind regards,

A B Canterbury

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