04 Apr 2020
Last night I had another nightmare in which hundreds of Keith Richards were outside my bedroom window with flaming torches. It was the worst coiffured lynch mob in history.
My neighbour, an actor in between jobs, was also in attendance, though he had just come to see what all of the noise was about. He said everyone was entitled to have a party but this was twice in a week now. He had the chance of a voiceover on a fruitcake commercial and he was being disturbed from learning his lines for the audition.
I politely explained that these were uninvited guests, but to no avail and he said he was going to report me to the council. I said well good luck with that pal, the council are too busy firing out business rates grants like there is no tomorrow, to worry about a localised Keith Richards infestation.
And to think I quite liked him a week ago, well now he is definitely off my Xmas card list. Some people eh?
Some nicer people have been good enough to suggest a song and tonight it is Andy Acum of Mercury Group with 'Every Day Is Like Sunday' by Morrissey. I am sure we can all echo those sentiments.
Now The Smiths/Morrissey record collection is not somewhere I would normally turn to lift my spirits. Even the depressed priest off Father Ted wouldn’t listen to that.
On a normal week with only one Sunday I would much prefer to be on a nice cycle path. Not to be confused with a nice psychopath. To aid this I believe the position of the latter should be indicated on maps so that they can be more readily avoided. I blame the government they never get anything right do they?
Ok lets get the important but more mundane stuff over with in the shape of:
1) Hull CC business rates grants website opened up today as emailed earlier so, if you haven’t already, get on there and claim your grant before they are diverted into rounding up stray rock stars.
2) CBILS loans - not many being approved, so the rules are being relaxed to try and change that as also emailed earlier. Not before time, based on some of the stories I have heard.
3) Benefits In Kind when workers furloughed, such as company cars even if they can’t actually drive them that far? Well employment continues and therefore, so does the taxable benefit unless they want to actually return the car to the employer for the duration. I doubt it because then they will have to go panic buying on the bus.
4) Are Directors entitled to claim furlough rebate? Who knows? If you are fed up with this situation consider signing the petition below. If it works I will start one about psychopaths on maps:
Petition:Company Directors should get the same assistance as the self-employed and employee
Regular readers will have noticed that tonight for the first time I have skilfully avoided using even once the name Brian Cox!
Above line appears courtesy of Captain Mainwaring
Have a good weekend, to the extent that anyone can
F Krueger II