The Snitches of Eastwick

12 May 2020

For Eastwick read Anywhere UK. Just recently it was South Cave according to Hull Daily Mail, whereby some residents reported the pub for allegedly letting people drink in the beer garden. The pub then allegedly retaliated by reporting the VE Day plans as breaking social distancing.

How ironic that on a day to mark the end of tyranny that people are turning informants on their fellow citizens, something we always thought we British were above and beyond.

Not so it’s becoming a national pastime, I fully expect Gary Lineker to start presenting Snitch Of The Day on Saturday nights in the absence of any real sport for months yet (apart from the one aside basketball, apparently proposed by our glorious leader).

Of course it is partly to do with the fact that no-one knows what the hell they can do anymore. As to what the police are supposed to do to enforce the 'increased penalties' I do not know.

I can only assume they have beefed up the drone force with facial recognition capabilities so they can automatically track and trace everybody. Now where have I heard that before?

I have heard a whisper that the drones have been equipped with Hellfire missiles, used to such devastating effect in every recent Middle East conflict that we have stuck our noses into.

In fact, the only time they did not work was when Mrs May tried to take out Mr Barnier during the Brexit negotiations. In a portent of things to come the drone was turned back at the Belgian border as it did not have the correct paperwork.

On such moments doth history turn. To be fair to Boris he would say that compared to C19, Brexit will be a walk in the park. That's why latter is now allowed. I think.

And if you think the above is ridiculous, on BBC there is a report about a robot dog enforcing social distancing in a Singapore park. We have ordered some from Turkey. You know my saying on such matters.

C19 Song Of The Day

Tonight's is another one from Stuart Horrocks, Solicitor of Leeds who has thrown down the gauntlet to the locals in terms of contributions. From The Four Tops 'It's The Same Old Song’.

It certainly has been in the last two night's 'announcements' which just produced confusion. Actually it would probably have been more appealing if they had been done in song, in the style of Stars In Their Eyes.

I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister, but tonight Britain I am Dizzee Rascal!

C19 Support Shorts

The Self-Employed Income Support Scheme (SEISS) eligibility checker seems to work fine and also the necessary registration for a Government Gateway ID seems a simple procedure as promised.

However if anyone requires assistance in this regard please contact us.

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